Dubai stories, Vacation Shitposting

The One Time I Was Hit On

I’m bad at flirting.

Not bad in the conventional “saying-stupid-stuff-out-of-nervousness” or even the “too-oblivious-to-it” way. No. I’m shit in the sense where I genuinely appreciate flirting and would love to reciprocate (in some cases) but I hate doing it.

You see, being regular sort of bad where it’s the result of either being nervous, shy or unaware is common bad flirting which can work out in your favor because its just that, common. It’s a bit different when you’re stuck in my situation.


accurate depiction of me in most scenarios

Don’t get me wrong though, I flirt, even if it may not be obvious(or maybe too obvious), I do try (given sufficient motivation) and I’ve missed out when it was aimed at me on several occasions but it rarely ever does work out in my favor. This is one of those cases where it worked out….

Sort of.

This happened when I was back in Dubai after my third semester of college. My weight has dropped, which pleased the parents but so had my grades to counteract those effects.  I was also too hairy for upper middle class Indian parents to not mention it once in a while (or every fucking second of every fucking day) but was on a mission to grow out the hair(which has begun again, but with more acceptance due to the lack of a thick beard). Eventually I caved and decided to head out for a haircut, but I didn’t want to go to the usual spot, I needed a new experience, needed seek out a new place, but above all, needed somewhere easier to walk to.

So there I was, at a self declared “trendy” hair saloon not too far from home, seated in a comfy leather chair where I’m greeted by a very immaculately dressed filipino man whose name he told me was Steve (or stheeeeve as he put it). He was to cut my hair that day.

Everything was going as expected, the regular crappy haircut that would lead to me getting IDed at every bar or club I would visit was in the making and eventually, after having enough of the silence, he decided it was time for small talk.

Now, I’m not a major fan of small talk but you don’t deny things to a man with a blade and easy access to your throat, so I obliged. It started with the usual stuff i.e. weather, life, how long have you been in Dubai etc. and then came a very offbeat compliment, nice hair, he said. Thanked him, didn’t think much of it. But then slowly, came more and more random compliments at increasingly shorter and shorter intervals. I was flattered but it was slightly weird for someone to fit into the typical gay dude stereotype that I had in my head unironically. Right?

Eventually I was offered a free hair and face wash. The inner mallu in me could not waste this opportunity. It was fair to say that he was very thorough with washing my scalp, with a little massage and everything.

But was he actually gay or just a very friendly barber? Probably not but if he was, I was definitely being hit on, but it wasn’t a bad thing to be perfectly honest.

And as he came to the end and started rinsing my hair. The conversation got to a point where he was showing me pictures of him and his ex to show me how he looked when he came to Dubai, also telling me he was gay in the process.

It was around now, when both our suspicions were confirmed. He was gay and I was definitely not. I guess I kinda led him on though.

Thanks for the free service Stheeeve but sadly, no homo.

Even though you gave me a haircut that made me look like a lesbian.

Vacation Shitposting

On Weight Loss

People are ready to do anything but diet and exercise to lose weight but those are the only two things that work.

Those words come out of my dads mouth every time we have a discussion(and by discussion, I mean, my father rants away about a topic that annoys him while I sit and take it in for the most part) about whatever new fad or craze is sweeping the globe with miraculous reports of weight loss approved by several men in white coats as the optimal thing that everyone should be doing, that is, until the next big thing. And it’s true for the most part.

I used to be a certified fat fuck having made my way into the dreaded status of “OBESE” because apparently, sitting on my ass was not enough exercise to burn the calories from the third snickers bar I had stuffed myself with in the past 2 hours wondering how the fuck I managed to make my grades and weight match, both hitting low 90s.

Feb 2011 ->From there to there->April 2017.jpg

Eventually though, I managed to get up and go move around(in a very slow but moderately determined manner, stopping occasionally to catch my breath),starting with jogging and eventually joining the gym and karate classes. They helped, and surprisingly, I realized that I actually did enjoy this particular form of sweaty torture and the very slight changes it brought about as a whole.

But soon, as I came into college, My real weight loss story began and it’s a very simple technique really.


It may possibly fuck up your entire life as it has with many others but it really does work in a few cases that I witnessed(by which I mean a few from my expansive circle of stoners and druggies) including mine.

It was more of the shift from occasional use to regular “self medication” (it works wonders with acute boredom, which made its appearance in college) that really brought about a sudden change.

With this new found lifestyle, regular, filling meals were a thing of the past. No longer would I have to worry about overeating because my appetite was absolutely destroyed.

Can’t eat? Smoke some more pot, you’ll get hungry

Ate too much? It’s okay, you will probably be throwing it up later.

Just so happens, drugs were my portion control. And this paired with a self destructive attitude to working out was my ideal weight loss routine.

But seriously, Don’t actually do drugs to lose weight because it can just as easily go the opposite route or just create another problem altogether.(There are some other perfectly good reasons to do drugs though)

But you don’t need to follow the fad and torture yourself with some shitty diet full of inedible crap or start on some unrealistic way-too-easy-to-be-true weight loss program because some good-looking fuckwad in brilliant shape on the internet tells you it’s a guaranteed shortcut to a sixpack.(Best shortcut to lose weight fast, amputation)

A diet shouldn’t be some spur of the moment thing that you pick up and put down after a while, its something that you need to stick with for your life.

Exercise doesn’t have to be a massive chore either, sometimes all it takes is just a little change up in your system whether its going for a walk, playing something or genuinely working the fuck out, whatever floats your boat (Unless your boat don’t float anymore because of your fat ass, in which case, move straight to the third option and embrace the fuck)

At the end of the day, I guess dad was right, exercise a bit and just cut down on food. It works.

P.S I’m nowhere near satisfied with where I am, so much more progress to be made…..

Vacation Shitposting

So, I guess I’m starting a blog…

Well, to be perfectly frank, this is my second attempt at starting a blog. I used to run one back in my high school cringe phase and I remember clearly trying to get it to spread (maybe like what happened in your situation, in which case, keep going, maybe it’ll get better?) and generally being able to kill time this way.

But as I got ready to start my college life, which was supposed to be a very hectic, study oriented yet interesting 4 years full of lively company, brilliant professors and the best of friends on the journey to discover my so-called passion-in-life, I decided I wouldn’t be able to keep the blog and shut it down.(Although losing my account details and forever loathing the cringe I put on there also played a role but more on that later). Eventually forgetting about its existence too.

Luckily(or unluckily, still can’t figure that out) it turns out that college was not at all what I had in mind and I ended up embracing the stoner life which, at the very least, continued to keep things interesting on a day to day basis and pretty much forming what has become “college life” here at NITC (that’s National Institute of Technology, Calicut or some random south indian engineering university for you outsiders)

But then suddenly, the vacations are here and there’s too much time to kill, too few people for company and just the right amount of laziness to not do something …..

*shudder* productive *shudder*

So here I am, with an attempt to hopefully commit to a method of killing time and surprisingly, here you are, for some reason….

Stick around though because the plan(which almost never works out) is to keep this one going for a while.