Dubai stories, Vacation Shitposting

“So now what?”

There are two friends from highschool (who shall be referred to as S.B and A.S respectively) who have always been bros. And as with all bros, we had/have our own fair share of experiences where we bro-ed out.

This is not one of those times (but also is?)


Bromance can get weird man..

It started off as a road trip to Ras Al Khaimah, (picture beaches and shit)

Simple enough, we got our stuff packed, met up at the metro and then headed out,

A.S is the driver since he’s the only one who had a valid license, I’m shotgun, I needed to pick the music and occassionally be ready to use Maps. S.B was the back seat, he handles snacks and makes sure there’s some conversation happening. We’re talking about everything, catching up on life since we were meeting after our first year of college.

It’s all chill at this time except we had to come to terms that we were lost in a quarry…


note the tractor and the general emptiness

But it was all okay, we had Google Maps, we got back on track after an encounter with some camels (encounter=almost reversing into a herd) and annoying S.B enough.

Before you knew it, we were at RAK.


It was very chill indeed.

Such beauty, so much chill vibes, a really nice place-

So Now What?

I don’t know man

We aren’t heading back


Lets keep going


And that happened, we just kept going, hit a few more emirates and just going with whatever was happening,

I specifically remember:

  • Eating from a “restaurant” called Chicken Hut in the middle of nowhere.
  • A very very dark tunnel
  • Being tortured by Hindi Pop music
  • Debating playing heavy metal while parked near a mosque


Fujairah had good vibes

But this was getting pretty pointless for something without a point.

We needed an ending point.

What we got was a phone call. It was a call from a friend who needed help. Here’s a rough idea.

Guys I’m stuck at Qudra, tires are stuck in sand

What were you doing there?

With a “friend”


So now we had an aim, we needed to get to K.V(who also happened to be underage and in a position which would probably not good to be caught by cops in)

We move, we’re on the way to Qudra Lakes, a nice oasis out in the desert, its getting late though….

We’re also almost out of fuel, we needed to head back the way we came from because there isn’t a pump anyway on the way. We go back.

We grab fuel (and more fuel from McDonalds) and we get to him, and his “friend”.

They’re stuck.

We shovel some sand, try to get some things moving, rev up the car aaaand-

They’re still stuck.

A.S and I head out, we manage to find some people who were willing to pull the car out with buggies. We tell them where to go and they go.

We follow.

Car Stuck

The view was great, but the car was still stuck


We’re not following after a while.

The tire burst. At the entrance to the lake, we can’t change tires because the rims were changed and the tire no longer fits.

K.V leaves with his “friend”, they didn’t need to be stuck and had to deal with more shit.

(Ironically, they were legit caught by cops on the way back. They cool though)

We’re fucked.


You have the mat and more drinks?


So fucked.

So fucked.

So we set up a mat, some speakers, open up fizzy sugar water and put out a few calls and decide to just sit and wait it out.

Eventually we did get help and we did manage to make it back without any drastic measures.

It was not the best of experiences but it was one hell of an experience.

At the very least, the view was brilliant.

Qudra Road trip

Almost makes up for the 3 hours we were stranded
Dubai stories, Vacation Shitposting

The Magician Phase

I like wasting my time A LOT. In fact, most of my time is spent wasting it (this in itself being one such thing) and the way I do this is by trying to pick up a lot of random skills/hobbies or by means of the internet. Most of the time, a lot of these hobbies show up when I’m definitely supposed to be doing something else but would rather be procrastinating productively.

Around 11th grade, during my midterms I was watching a David Blaine special and thought to myself,

I can definitely do this magic shit. How hard could it really be?

I had a lot of time (ignoring the exams, OBVIOUSLY) and just the right amount of cockiness to start working on a few basic card tricks that anyone could really pick up from youtube. It was nowhere near Blaine level but I could pick up enough of his basic tricks.

So now, I had a few tricks up my sleeve.

But what if I could do more?

Well, where do I start?

Google. Duh.

And so, started the magician phase. Before I realized, I had started to pirate videos(youtube had too many amateurs teaching badly), sometimes purchase a tutorial or two from websites for magicians and generally continue down my path of having no life while also being able to do sleight of hand.

Then came a sudden onset of ego. The realization struck me when I had people staring while I practiced in my free time on the metro.

I could probably use this shit to mess around with people. And that is exactly what I did, the most basic of tricks with the right amount of patter and bullshit explanations, getting those reactions which were very similar to those as seen on TV.

Eventually, I had a little following of people asking for tricks, loving whatever half assed one I would show them, fueling my ego, which while in itself was pretty satisfying, was paired with the fact that I could be a major asshole and it was apparently completely accepted and loved. I even got to shut down other asshole hecklers (like yours truly).

How could I possibly refuse that?

So, what started off as a way to kill a few minutes had now somehow become a major part of my life and actually resulted in a few cool incidents including but not limited to

  • Meeting David Blaine after his show and picking up a few tricks and a shawarma at Emirates Palace.(Even got a free deck because he thought my deck was absolute crap).

signed card

I got a card signed too, because why not?
  • Meeting an entire new set of friends(many of which are my closest today) as well as cunts (who are even bigger cunts now) who were also into magic.
  • Enough weird “magic” related incidents(which will show up on the blog soon enough).
  • Getting money and free food by doing “performances”(which all required minimal effort) including Dubai Comicon(which was probably the peak of my obsession).

All in all, it was a pretty solid skill that is pretty much inscribed into my head now.

A lot of people still only know me as the magician (which is sad considering that it really was just a phase) even in college. But as is the case with most of my obsessions, I moved on and no longer practice anything although I do still get asked for a trick every now and then.

I do oblige, as long as I got something on me that is.

And apparently, I still got it because the reactions are still fucking awesome. So if you’re ever curious, go ahead, ask me for a trick and I’ll ask you to pick a card. But keep in mind, I’m completely aware I’m not a good magician but that sure as hell won’t stop me.

P.S Click Here if you want to see an old cringey video of a little trick from back in the day.

Dubai stories, Vacation Shitposting

The One Time I Was Hit On

I’m bad at flirting.

Not bad in the conventional “saying-stupid-stuff-out-of-nervousness” or even the “too-oblivious-to-it” way. No. I’m shit in the sense where I genuinely appreciate flirting and would love to reciprocate (in some cases) but I hate doing it.

You see, being regular sort of bad where it’s the result of either being nervous, shy or unaware is common bad flirting which can work out in your favor because its just that, common. It’s a bit different when you’re stuck in my situation.


accurate depiction of me in most scenarios

Don’t get me wrong though, I flirt, even if it may not be obvious(or maybe too obvious), I do try (given sufficient motivation) and I’ve missed out when it was aimed at me on several occasions but it rarely ever does work out in my favor. This is one of those cases where it worked out….

Sort of.

This happened when I was back in Dubai after my third semester of college. My weight has dropped, which pleased the parents but so had my grades to counteract those effects.  I was also too hairy for upper middle class Indian parents to not mention it once in a while (or every fucking second of every fucking day) but was on a mission to grow out the hair(which has begun again, but with more acceptance due to the lack of a thick beard). Eventually I caved and decided to head out for a haircut, but I didn’t want to go to the usual spot, I needed a new experience, needed seek out a new place, but above all, needed somewhere easier to walk to.

So there I was, at a self declared “trendy” hair saloon not too far from home, seated in a comfy leather chair where I’m greeted by a very immaculately dressed filipino man whose name he told me was Steve (or stheeeeve as he put it). He was to cut my hair that day.

Everything was going as expected, the regular crappy haircut that would lead to me getting IDed at every bar or club I would visit was in the making and eventually, after having enough of the silence, he decided it was time for small talk.

Now, I’m not a major fan of small talk but you don’t deny things to a man with a blade and easy access to your throat, so I obliged. It started with the usual stuff i.e. weather, life, how long have you been in Dubai etc. and then came a very offbeat compliment, nice hair, he said. Thanked him, didn’t think much of it. But then slowly, came more and more random compliments at increasingly shorter and shorter intervals. I was flattered but it was slightly weird for someone to fit into the typical gay dude stereotype that I had in my head unironically. Right?

Eventually I was offered a free hair and face wash. The inner mallu in me could not waste this opportunity. It was fair to say that he was very thorough with washing my scalp, with a little massage and everything.

But was he actually gay or just a very friendly barber? Probably not but if he was, I was definitely being hit on, but it wasn’t a bad thing to be perfectly honest.

And as he came to the end and started rinsing my hair. The conversation got to a point where he was showing me pictures of him and his ex to show me how he looked when he came to Dubai, also telling me he was gay in the process.

It was around now, when both our suspicions were confirmed. He was gay and I was definitely not. I guess I kinda led him on though.

Thanks for the free service Stheeeve but sadly, no homo.

Even though you gave me a haircut that made me look like a lesbian.